Hi Reader,

I don't know about you, but October has been a doozy in my house. We battled head lice (so gross). I got COVID for the first time ever (turns out I’m not one of those super humans who never gets symptoms like I thought I was). And work has been busy, to say the least.

And then, of course, my younger daughter started having intense nightmares. All it took was one conversation in the car about the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz. Here’s the thing: she never saw the movie. There was no big scary exposure. One image stuck in her head, and her imagination did the rest.

We never know what will stick for our kids, and it isn't just little kids. Older kids are seeing content at an unprecedented rate. Even if your child doesn’t have a phone or social media, someone they know does. I was working in a middle school earlier this week, and kids were still talking about the Charlie Kirk assassination videos that keep showing up in their feeds. So it helps to have a few tools ready for when they see, hear, or experience something scary, especially this time of year.

What the research says

Scary stuff sticks longer than we think. In one University of Michigan and Wisconsin study, 90% of college students remembered a childhood fright from TV or movies (The Ring still haunts me). About half said it affected their sleep or eating at the time, and more than a third said the effects lasted over a year. The younger they were, the longer it lasted.

What scares kids changes with age. Researcher Joanne Cantor found that little kids are scared by how things look (monsters, witches, transformations). Older kids are more scared by things that could really happen, like news and real-world violence.

And it’s not just kids. After the Boston Marathon bombing, adults who watched 6+ hours a day of coverage reported more acute stress than people who were actually there. Replaying graphic content takes a toll on all of us.

So what do we do?

Little kids (about 2-7)

• Comfort first, logic later. “It’s not real” doesn’t land yet at this age. A hug, a snuggle, and a favorite stuffed animal do more.
• Shrink the scary thing. Have them draw it, then give it something silly (a party hat, a goofy name) or draw a new, happy ending.
• Keep it out of bedtime. Don’t rehash the scary part right before sleep. Talk about it earlier in the day.

School-age kids (about 8–10)

• Now, saying “it’s pretend” works. Show them how movie makeup, costumes, and special effects are made.
• Ask before you explain: “What was the scariest part?” You might be surprised by the answer.
• For real-world scary stuff, give simple, honest facts plus what grown-ups are doing to keep people safe.

Tweens / Teens (11+)

• Assume they’ve seen more than you think. Try “What are kids at school talking about?” instead of “Did you see that?”
• Explain why it spreads. Shocking videos get pushed because they grab attention. They can scroll past, tap “not interested,” and turn off autoplay.
• Make a no-punishment pact: if they see something disturbing, they can come to you without losing their phone.

And for us grown-ups: notice how much of it we’re replaying, too. Our kids take their cues from us. The calmer we are about scary stuff, the safer they'll feel bringing it to us.

In Partnership,

Dr. Rupa

P.S. Were you forwarded this email? If so, join the mailing list here.​

P.P.S. Thinking about getting your child a phone for the holidays? Now’s the time to start getting ready. My Tech Ready course, Digital Driver’s Ed for tweens and their parents, helps your family go in prepared.

Tech Positive Parenting, LLC

15466 Los Gatos Blvd, Suite 109-197

Los Gatos, CA 95032

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